Living Life For Real This Time

I haven't written anything since right before Valentine's Day. Friday, February 15th, was the day I deleted my MySpace profile. Two years of blogs...*poof*...gone in an instant. Fortunately friendships have remained.

During my childhood, time seemed to pass by painfully slow. When I was 10, I wanted to be 12; when I was 14, I begged to be 16, or 18, or better yet, 21. I'd be able to drive, and vote, and go out like all of the "older" people. I'd have my own home, money, career. Anything and everything was attainable, if only I could grow up as quickly as possible.

One day I woke up, and all of the milestones had passed, almost in between my dreams and duties. I'm an adult now, and it's not as simplistic as I had imagined it would be. Along with all of the "fun" stuff my childhood mind had envisioned, is the rest...responsibilities and bills and other not necessarily "fun" things.

I consider myself to be a late bloomer. As I've comfortably rested in my still-early 30's, I've made amazing strides toward becoming a whole person. I went back to school and finished my undergraduate degree, and finally found a career. I'm looking forward to working toward my M.B.A. Anything and everything is still possible. For a moment in time, not too long ago, my mind and reasoning was in a darker place.

Next week will be my last efforts at a job I've had for the past year and some change. It's been an important factor in sculpting the new direction my work life is taking. I'm moving onto bigger and better things and have been given an incredible opportunity to prove myself and my abilities...

Although I'm going to dearly miss the relationships I've built both with my current co-workers and customers, it's time to go; time to let go of my old ways and tackle new challenges. Positive thinking is going to have to be a dear friend. It's not in my best interest to hold onto past mistakes or losses.

I often wonder why it's taken me so long to reach for the stars and not just achieve all that I should in my dreams. I've been told countless times that I am confident and have it all together; I go for what I want and get it. Sadly, until very recently, it's not how I've perceived myself. Insecurity can be a terrible affliction. It can readily tear down so many promising things. One step forward, three steps back...and back...until there is nothing left, but a memory of what it might have been like.

I've decided it's over. No more self-deprecating thoughts; no more excuses. After all, I have to wake up with myself everyday, and if I'm not ready to face the future and attain everything I deserve, than there is nothing left and no one else to blame.

Recently, I've learned that several of my friends are facing some very serious issues, and it's made me realize that I'm wasting my life and talent. Somewhere along the path I'd chosen, I'd become complacent, using all of my energy to focus on the wrong things. There are many things in this world that are completely out of my control. Instead, it's time to gather all of my strength, and make things happen. All of the "stuff" has been clouding my better judgment and somehow made life more like a chore, rather than something to cherish.

I want to wake up every morning and be proud of my accomplishments; thankful for all that I've been blessed with; truly satisfied. I've overcome a lot of terrible situations in my life and it's made me the person I am today. Now it's time to put up or shut up. Life is partly destiny, and mostly hard work, yet it doesn't have to be hard or seem like work if you're ready to face it with a smile.