Head Above Water

As each day passes, I realize more and more that there are many things in this life that I have yet to accomplish...

• I want to take a trip around the world and take in different cultures.
• See the Great Barrier Reef in Australia and the rolling hills of Ireland
• Write a book
• Complete my education
• Master Thai, Indian, and Middle Eastern cooking
• Get into a regular exercise program and become toned and hawt
• See old friends and stay up all night reminiscing about fun moments from my past
• Dance like no one's watching
• Love like it's never going to hurt
• Adopt a baby
• Feel completely relaxed, loved and cherished, even if it's just for a minute.
• Find true and lasting fulfillment in all that I do...

While things haven't been as easy as I'd like lately, I'm not giving up on discovering all the good things life has to offer.

For a bit I'll have to admit I was devastated at the loss of a friendship, however, now I'm realizing that it wasn't a true or balanced relationship. I now understand that I was taken advantage of; I gave all of myself - acted as a true friend; provided a large amount of support; and put their needs in front of my own...and when they didn't need me anymore, left me behind without an ounce of remorse.

Friendship cannot be one-sided; it's not a situation of convenience; and it certainly shouldn't be where one person takes and takes and doesn't see that it's hurting the other person...or maybe they did know and didn't care. There are a lot of people out there who only seek to meet their own needs, caring very little about the damage they inflict. It's made me become a little more jaded, and a lot more careful about who I choose to trust. To be honest, I'll probably never allow another person to ever get that close to me again. It's just not worth it; the pain I've felt in my heart and head is beyond words. It's as though someone has literally died.

At the end of the day, I have to let go, and slowly, I am moving forward with my life. Maybe just maybe, an amazing favor was bestowed upon me. After all, someone cannot be a true friend/maintain a positive relationship with another person if they're not living life authentically. Respect for yourself is far more important than any other relationship. There are many people in this world who think that as long as they have all of the material possessions money can buy, and "on paper" look good to the outside world (while in reality their life is a mess), that everything is hunky-dory...I'm here to tell you it's not. I'd rather be money-poor and rich in life experiences. I'd rather focus on being the best friend I can be to myself and others. I would never tell someone how much I loved them one minute, and shut them out in the next.

I'd much live in reality and be proud of the person I am; a person who treats those in my life with respect and love. My life is far from perfect, but at least when I look in the mirror, I can stand seeing the person staring back at me. Others out there are much less fortunate. I actually feel sorry for them, for they'll wake up one day and find themselves very much alone.

Tomorrow is another day. I'm not going to let the actions of one person erase all of the good I've done for myself and others. One situation is not going to change who I am or who I want to be.